The Sitcom

It seemed to me that if I wanted to make this whole “ let’s-be-free-and-leave-everything-but-two-suitcases-behind” thing work, I was going to have to make some sort of sacrifices. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I wasn’t willing to leave my life of secure comfort for a life of uncertainty; I just didn’t exactly read the script before hopping on the plane.

[SCENE 1]

This story takes place in the outskirts of Downtown San Diego, in a beachy town called Pacific Beach. She arrives to the 2-bedroom, 1-bathroom apartment, located a few blocks away from the night life commotion.

GIRL (thinks to herself): Wow! I guess this is how boys pull it together after college.

Their walls are home to surfboards, pictures, and Bruce Springsteen vinyl record albums. Look a little closer & you notice the strategic red rug and hand towel choices, as they accent the black and white themed bathroom. Though not a huge apartment, the place feels like a home, and in an instant all the worries that this girl had, evaporate.

I won’t categorize all of us, but I’d say (most) girls have a keen attention to details. Why else do you think our outfits always look so fetch? I can spot whether your shoes match your belt within our first 3 minutes of interacting. So, of course, you’d imagine my surprise upon noticing that my new BOY roommates had nailed their décor.

 

[CHARACTERS]

The two twentysomething males are young professionals; fresh out of college, and looking for adventure. Upon making San Diego their brand new home, one of them has invited his love interest to join the mix. Yes, she is a female.

Hank is a recent graduate from the University of New Hampshire where he received a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration. After living off of his summer savings for 2 months, which he earned as a caddy at a local New Jersey country club, and devoting his time to finding employment (and playing Madden), Hank finally nailed it. The sport fanatic is now an Athlete Relations Coordinator for a card trading company.

Johnny is a James Madison Alumn, who broke the mold by looking for jobs outside his Jersey state. Easy-going by nature, Johnny did not hesitate upon receiving a generous offer from a San Diego printing company. Surf, sun, and stuff to do; the kid is set.

Uhhh perfect, right? Here I am, landing like an unexpected Christmas present on these guys’ doorstep. Months of anticipation and worrying, and it turns out that I found myself two males who won’t present any troubles during my indefinite stay. Pretty soon, we’ll all be Los Tres Amigos.

Little would prepare me for the events that followed–the events that would transport me to the life of pizza, toilets, football, and Madden that were hidden behind the beautiful matching furniture.

 

[SCENE 2]

Hank: There’s an open door policy for the bathroom; no exceptions

Me: Open door?

Johnny: Yeah, if you need to do your business, the door must remain open. You can see the TV better that way.

Later that evening, the rules were confirmed by the affirmative use of the toilet—with the door WIDE open.

 

I must urge you to keep in mind my relationship with Hank. I barely knew the kid, and in the past 3 weeks, there is not much he has kept a secret. I guess that’s the thing about (most) guys; they do what they do, when they need to do it.

Simple as that. If they’re hungry, they will eat. If they want to surf in the Pacific Ocean mid November, they shall surf. If they want to watch TV from the toilet, that is no exception.

This is my first attempt at co-ed living. After 23 days frolicking through Europe, I have to say that I feel prepared for (almost) anything. However, practice overrides theory, ALWAYS. I have confined my personal space to a corner of Johnny’s room, as I try not to push his stuff aside, though you can imagine that slowly our laundry may start to mix. Some days, I feel like a house mom, trying to put vegetables in their food, cleaning the bathroom, or being the third opinion in outfit choices. But other days, I am out completely of the loop.

I guess it confirms the obvious: I am a chick, and they are total dudes. I must admit though, it has its perks. They spend a cumulative 30 minutes showering and 2 minutes in front of the mirror, officially making me the queen of the bathroom. Yes, I have to put up with a few bodily noises & smells, and one or two or six hours of football every Sunday, but hey,so far so good.

This Sitcom that this apartment has become is far from over, as I continue to learn explicit “man house” rules, while spending a significant amount of time at the Wendy’s Drive Thru.

[SCENE 3]

Me: What should we eat tonight guys? Something a liiiittle healthier?

Hank: I could go for another burrito and some ice-cream

Johnny:I say we just go to In-N-Out burger or get some JBCs

 

End of Act I

(Stay tuned)

Got any valuable input on how to coexist in the same house with the opposite sex? Write it down! I  seriously need all the help I can get.

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