Act or accept

I stand there, in front of my mirror once again, completely naked and face myself. I can’t force my expression to dispel from the direct eye contact with my dark gaze, as the water from my hair begins to soak my bedroom floor. I am scared as hell. All of a sudden, I have been hit with all the uncertainty that I have managed to bottle up for a few months now with a cork of responsibilities, adventures, and constant movement and I realize that the girl in the mirror has no idea where she is going. I see myself— all that I am in my fresh youth, with no set direction and again, I feel petrified.

I turn to grab my lotion, so I can divert my eyesight from the girl who wants to let a few tears slip out, only to be distracted by my left rib cage. I realize how real those three words are, permanently imprinted onto my body, and for a minute I feel an incredible urge to run my fingers along their outline to ensure their existence.

Act or accept

The moment has come; the first time in my life in which I do not have a schedule to follow, or a checklist to complete. It is now my turn to decipher what it is that will make me happy and utilize my life skills to better the world in some miniscule way.

It would be ideal for me to ensure success to all those on my boat, or perhaps egg on others with the encouragement that the girl in the mirror often lacks. But, I know that those on my ship do not always need sugar coated realities in order to feel better; they simply need to know that they are not alone. The similitudes that we share are reassurances that others have felt like us at some points of their lives, and those same others have made it through. I feel at ease understanding the homogeneity that our youth experiences during the college transition period and I am willing to accept that, but other things, not so much.

Allow me to be laconic. While I may not be old enough to understand all the intricacies that life unveils throughout our lifetime, I have been paying close attention to the world that surrounds me in the past couple of years. I have watched myself evolve as an individual and shape strong opinions about how I would like to live my life in the next few years. I figure, we only get one of these, so I might as well make it count, before it’s too late. Right?

  • Don’t settle: To flee or not to flee? With less than 3,000$ I have opted to look for employment outside of the fish tank—California. I have no idea how my cards will be dealt, so stay tuned.
  • Make meaningful connections: We are too old to fit in with the “popular crowd” or sit at the right lunch table, so I will seek friendships beyond my comfort levels.
  •  Stay happy: Don’t let anything else but pure joy of existence run my decisions. Work hard for the things you truly want.

The truth is that I do not know that a move across the country will fix the lens through which I see the world. A wise friend once said: “Sometimes the grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s just far away” — Try 2,676 miles of far away.

This is the moment to jump—to make irrational decisions without overthinking (a task that I work on daily), and figure out what else is out there. The moment to figure out the “what- ifs” that will haunt us later in life when we haven’t fulfilled all the dreams we had planned on accomplishing. This is the moment to act, rather than accept the realities that society instills in us. This is the moment to realize that you are not alone in your insecurities and wonders.

Act. 

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One thought on “Act or accept

  1. “Many people need desperately to receive this message: ‘I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.” – Kurt Vonnegut

    I’ll miss you, Mariana!

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