Heads or Tails

It’s a tricky thing. It is never clean cut, black or white, and certainly never easy. Most people spend more than half their lives obsessing over the opposite sex and in search of self assurance next to the one that truly completes them. I can admit, it does get a little bit easier with age because as you start to grow more comfortable with who you are, a task that seemed almost unreachable back in those middle and high school days, you learn to take the little things with a grain of salt.

To talk about love, I must first address heartbreak. If there is one thing that hasn’t changed at all since olden times, it’s probably this particular concept. You flip a coin and there it is; will you be the heartbreaker or the heartbroken? At some point in the relationship, somebody disconnects and the rollercoaster ride begins. Sometimes it’s like ripping a band aid, quick and somewhat painless, but other times it drags on like the winter months. Whether you get tails, and you are forced to have the “I need some space” conversation, or heads and you begin to see spots and get lightheaded as the words enter your ears, neither side is any less complicated. That’s the thing about this tricky little coin flip game; somebody has to lose in order for somebody to ‘win’ their way. But the truth is that without going through this, we don’t learn how to distinguish our other puzzle piece later on in life.

It seems like just yesterday I was obsessing over the cute senior in high school. They were big dreams in a very small scale world, but some of the most intriguing years of my life. I must admit, I haven’t always had such a tight grip on the things around me. In fact, I’ve had my share of heart breaks, filled with many emo playlists to soothe the hard days, along with the broken hearts I have left behind. Looking back at your old relationships, you probably see them as chapters in your life that only spark memories every once in a while, but at the time, they were probably some of the biggest battles you had to fight with yourself.

Eventually, one way or another, it happens: the coin disappears.

  He is, to date, my oldest friend in the United States. He was the heartbreaker, the life instructor, and the risk taker, yet one of the people with the biggest hearts. After a misconstrued 4 year friendship, I stepped into the college world. It was all kind of a blur; crazy parties, no parents, no curfews, and endless conversations that proved what we had known all along; we belonged together. Not to sound cliché (although it seems impossible when talking about this topic) but there was something about the whole thing that made sense.  The heartbreaker and the bad boy were simply gone. Don’t ask me how, but a girl’s bad boy turnover dream actually happened.

After 2 years and (almost) a half, I find myself at my longest relationship point. For those who have been this far, and further, I know we can stick together in understanding how much work goes into cultivating this kind of relationship. We can cherish the wonderful stay-in nights, the cooked meals, and the hidden quirks that you come to find. The roads may get rocky, but if the love is strong enough, you can always make it work and compromise.

For those that may be still holding your coins, I tell you this: It is better to be alone than in bad company (mom always says). This is the time to be selfish, and find out what makes you happy. Life is too short to be out there looking for someone to assure you that you are amazing. Your puzzle piece will find you.


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